They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize