STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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