I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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