I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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