You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Everclear isn't food dammit
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
