I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
