can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
