someone threw a dead crab at me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
