When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
