I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
