Your face is a jimmy john
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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