don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
