Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
