so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
