I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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