Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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