drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
