You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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