i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
