It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
