I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
