Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
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