you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
