i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
