did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
