apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
