so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
