I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think i peed on brittanys purse
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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