We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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