I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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