im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize