to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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