Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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