dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
