god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
