Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
