white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
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