I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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