Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
