wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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