I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
