Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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