My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
