you thought your balls were fighting each other...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
