weddingsv make me drug and hornr
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
