I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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