3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
