community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
