Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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