i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i came on her dog
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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