where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
