I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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