at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
