The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
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The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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