He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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