my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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