I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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