The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
