she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
