I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
