It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize