i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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