New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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