He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
