I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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