How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
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He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
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