i need an iv and a liver transplant
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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