They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
