Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
