I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
