Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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