Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
