he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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