What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
